Torn
by Rocketlover
Summary: Elizabeth sits alone in her hotel room, having left Mark....confused and lonely she receives an unexpected visitor who helps her come to terms with the state of her life, in ways she never would have thought......Cordano baby, you better believe it!


  
  
This takes place in season 8 between 'Secrets and Lies' and 'Bygones'...with a certain amount of artistic license on my part. Elizabeth has left Mark after the ecstasy incident and is staying at a hotel.  
And of course I do not own ER or any characters from it.... No copyright infringement is intended....nor do I own the song 'Torn' from which this is inspired.....

  
**Torn **

It had been yet another truly awful day and Elizabeth lay exhausted on the bed, suffering under a barrage of negative emotions – anger, betrayal and hurt. The wounds were oh so fresh... and yet all she could claim to truly feel was numb. How had all this, her life, everything she held dear, gone so wrong? A month ago she'd been so happy..._ they'd_ been happy. Right up until that dreadful day, and her happy life had come crashing spectacularly down, to lay broken at her feet. The man she loved, whom she had watched brought back to life through the miracle of medicine and sheer human tenacity, the man who had shown her what it was to cry and to be loved, had betrayed her.

He couldn't be that man that she'd adored anymore. He didn't seem to know or didn't seem to care what his heart was for and she felt like she didn't know him. All their conversations had run dry and nothing was as it had been. Everything was torn.

But they _had_ been happy... hadn't they? A new baby in the house had naturally put them under a tremendous amount of strain, but no more than other busy working professionals. She couldn't blame all of this on Rachel. No, Mark had to shoulder his portion of blame for their current circumstances. How could he not see that she could not possibly take their tiny, defenceless daughter back to a house where danger dwelled. Rachel was a loose cannon as far as Elizabeth was concerned. She had lied to them and brought drugs into their home, and as a consequence Ella had nearly died... who knows what the residual effects would be in years to come. Yet, he'd discarded his wife in a moment to take the side of his wayward daughter. A daughter who'd brought only trouble and strife into their lives. In the private solitude of the room she gripped a pillow to her chest and surrendered to all the pent up fury she felt and let the tears fall freely, wishing her pain would seep from her with them.

Her sobs became uncontrollably louder and escaped faster, her head pounding with the inner rage she felt. Then came a different pounding, a noise alien to the sounds that were coming from her own body. She brought a sleeve to her eyes and wiped away tears, but they were simply replaced with new ones. She sat up. There it was again, someone knocking at the door.

_It can't be tomorrow already... can it?_

Dragging her weary body from the bed, Elizabeth stumbled over to the door and pulled it half open, resting her chin against it.

"Chris, what's the..." She started to waffle, but then stopped in her tracks as she saw Robert Romano standing there.

He looked at her in his usual arrogant way, before he caught sight of her tear stained face and his expression instantly changed to one of worry.

Snapping awake in his presence she looked around her, folding her arms across her chest defensively, embarrassed at him seeing her weak.

"What are you doing here?" she spat.

Romano shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Haven't seen you around lately."

"And?"

"And... I heard you and the hubby were fighting. I thought you could maybe use a friend."

"Are we friends?" she sniped back, and then regretted it instantly as she saw the hurt that appeared in his eyes before he averted them.

"I'd like to think so," he said softly.

Something in his voice made her look at him. He was wearing his favoured black trench coat, which hung open to reveal the beige suit she'd seen him in before. His shoulders were slumped forward, and cupped in his arm was a large paper bag with telltale grease stains.

Elizabeth's stomach groaned loudly and got the better of her. "What you got there?"

Romano's posture regained a little of his usual cockiness, and he lifted his head back up to meet her gaze. He smiled at her cheekily, revealing dimples that she'd never before taken notice of.

"Dinner and alcohol." He winked.

She smiled and regarded him fondly. Today had truly been an awful day...surely it couldn't get any worse? Pulling the door open fully she turned and walked away, leaving the invite hanging obviously in the air.

Romano, still smiling, stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He cast a quick look around the room and raised an eyebrow at its untidy state.

"Where's Ella?" he asked.

"She's staying with the sitter tonight... all this dragging her round from pillar to post is confusing her," Elizabeth replied, sinking heavily onto the bed.

He spotted a table and chairs by the window and walked over to it, then began taking out the cartons of Chinese food from the bag he'd brought. She watched him, fascinated by his deliberate, precise motions.

"How did you find me?" she asked.

"Not difficult for a man of my resources." He chuckled. At her continued stare on his back, he turned and tapped himself on the chest before elaborating, "Emergency contact list... Chief of Staff, remember?"

"Ahh... Isn't that an abuse of power?"

He shrugged his shoulders casually. "Probably... So are you hungry?" he asked, opening the cartons. The aroma from them lifted up into the air and hit her stomach, making it rumble loudly. Romano laughed. "When did you eat last?"

"I think I ate breakfast."

He stared at her disapprovingly and she snorted, "Oh, like you've never missed a meal."

"Come here and eat, and I'll leave out the lecture."

Elizabeth smiled and stood up. Walking past him she went into the bathroom and emerged moments later with two glasses that she placed noisily on the table. Glancing up she met his twinkling eyes.

"You said you had alcohol, too?" she said a little impatiently, having decided alcohol was indeed what she needed right now.

He smirked, reached into the bag and pulled out a bottle of wine, then reached back in and produced a corkscrew.

"Thought of everything, haven't you," she mused as he opened the bottle.

She sat down heavily in a chair as Romano filled the glasses and offered her a pair of chopsticks. She accepted them with a small smile and delved straight in while he removed his coat and shrugged out of his jacket. He draped them over the back of the vacant chair, then sat down and joined her in eating, glancing up at her occasionally. When they had nearly finished Elizabeth put down her chopsticks and watched Romano. He glanced up at her and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Why are you really here, Robert?"

"Truthfully? I'm worried about you."

"And I am your concern because?"

"Because despite what you may think, I care about you. Now let me ask you something. Why are _you _here, Lizzie?"

"You know perfectly well why," she snapped, folding her arms crossly. "I can't take Ella home whilst Rachael remains there, and I don't understand why I appear to be the only one who can see that. You're as bad as Mark!"

"She fucked up Elizabeth. She's a teenager, that's what they do."

Elizabeth stared at him disbelievingly. "You come here saying you want to be my friend, and you're taking _his_ side?" she spluttered.

"I'm not here to take sides and no, I'm just saying I can _see_ his side. Lizzie, Rachel's his daughter too, he can't just abandon her, love doesn't work that way."

"What the HELL would you know about love!" she spat.

"A lot more than you think," he snapped back.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Believe what you like Elizabeth, I'm not the one here wallowing in self-pity! Personally, I always thought you and Greene were doomed, but hey, let's not go there."

"And _you_ never could get over the fact that I've never once been interested in you!"

Romano leaned back against his chair, his eyes giving her a quick once over and he smiled at her in a way that she found unsettling.

"Oh, you might like to think that, Lizzie. But don't even pretend like you never once thought about it... I know you better than you know yourself."

"Is that right?" she scoffed. "Then pray enlighten me, Robert, on my current predicament!"

He looked her over and then leant forward in the chair, his elbows resting on the table. "You're running scared just like you always do when the going gets tough."

"_Really_... such as?" she said, bemusement obvious on her face.

"Okay, such as the time you froze after the Patterson surgery went wrong. You lost your nerve then and tried running away... and where was Boy Wonder for you through that?"

"Where was _he_... where were _you_? And I think you'll find _I_ got myself through that, thank you very much. You couldn't even be bothered to answer my pages!"

"Oh, I got them Lizzie and I came. If I'd gone in there and saved you _again_, it would have done you no good whatsoever. I watched you from the observation window the whole time. I was there, and _if_ you'd needed me, I would have stepped in. I had faith in you then and I have faith in you now! You're stronger than all _this_." He swept his arm elaborately around the untidy hotel room.

Elizabeth sank back as far as she could into the chair and stared at him wide-eyed at his revelation.

"I never knew," she whispered, shaking her head slightly. "Why didn't you say something when we spoke afterwards in recovery?"

Romano shrugged his shoulders dismissively and shook his head.

"Look, Elizabeth, the point is you got yourself through it in the end, you just needed a push, just as you'll get through this. But you have to stop running."

"So, you're here to _push_ me into going home is that it?" she yelled, feeling her temper re-kindle.

He looked down to the floor.

"I'm not here for anything, Lizzie. I have no grand plan or hidden agenda, I just thought you might want someone to sound off to... and you're doing a pretty good job at it so far." He chuckled, and she relented and giggled a little, too.

She looked at him in a new light, with genuine warmth. She'd misjudged him, she decided, and wondered what other things he might have done for her that she was unaware of. Robert looked back up and grinned at her.

"What can I say? I'm your very own life-sized stress ball."

"More like pint-sized," she giggled.

"Watch it, you!" he said.

Elizabeth picked up the wine and refilled her glass. When she went to top up his glass he slid his hand across it.

"Driving," he said.

"Oh well, more for me." She grinned.

They fell into an easy banter, taking care to avoid any more serious talk, and finished off the rest of the meal. As Elizabeth drained the rest of the wine she saw Robert glance at his watch.

"Am I keeping you from something?"

"No, but it's getting late and I have a procedure early in the morning."

"Oh," Elizabeth said, disappointed he was obviously getting ready to leave. She actually felt a little better now that she'd eaten and was also surprised that she felt incredibly relaxed with him. The idea of being alone again with her melancholic thoughts did not appeal to her in the slightest.

"Can't you stay a little longer?" she dared to ask, the fear evident in her voice.

Robert looked across the table at her and tentatively placed a hand over hers.

"I could... but it won't make anything better, Lizzie. You still have to make a decision."

"Oh, not this again, Robert. Just leave it alone."

"I can't, Lizzie. You're not taking care of yourself. You've been avoiding Greene and ergo the ER like the plague and it's affecting your work and impacting on mine."

She retracted her hand from under his, her eyes livid.

"_Oh, I see_... This is what this is all about... my personal life is fucking around with your perfect one, is that it? Well, I'm sorry Robert, but I'm not about to..."

"Oh, shut up, Lizzie, that's not what I meant and you know it!"

"Do I? Well, I'm not so sure... You've always looked out for yourself and you don't give a shit about anybody. You'd probably sell your own mother if you thought you could advance yourself in some way!"

Robert stood up, his eyes flaming with anger, and grabbed his coat and jacket. He strode off towards the door and Elizabeth leapt up and ran to the door blocking his path.

"Where do you think you're going? Surely you're not running away?"

"I'm leaving before you say something you _will_ regret!"

"Truth hurt does it, Robert? Not so easy to hear things you don't want to is it!"

"Get out of the way!" he said in a firm but bored voice.

"No!"

"Lizzie, I'm warning you. I'm not your garden variety of push-over men you like to have snapping at your heels... Now, get outta the way!"

"Push-over men?" Elizabeth spluttered incredulously.

"Yes, Lizzie. That is how you like your men, isn't it? You command and they do your bidding like spineless jellyfish... and you get to feel like the big I am!"

Elizabeth stood and watched transfixed as her hand slapped him hard across the face. A faint trickle of blood appeared and began to pool in the corner of his mouth, as her own hands shot to her mouth aghast.

"Oh, God, Robert... I'm so sorry."

"Jesus, Lizzie!"

His eyes stared at her with a mixture of hurt and surprise as his tongue flicked to the side of his mouth and tasted blood. Drawing up a hand, he gingerly touched his mouth and looked down at the blood on his finger.

Elizabeth moved her hand to his mouth and Robert caught it by the wrist but she pressed on. Her fingers caressed his cheek as her thumb rubbed over the small cut, wiping away the blood. Robert unfurled his fingers from her wrist and trailed them down the underside of her forearm. He opened his mouth slightly, the tip of his tongue circling around her thumb and leaned his face into her touch staring deeply into her eyes. They locked gazes, exchanging silent dreams.

"Tell me you've never thought about it," he whispered against her hand and opened his mouth wide enough to draw in the whole tip of her thumb, his teeth biting down lightly over it. The effect was electric on the pair of them.

Robert dropped his coat and jacket to the floor and brought the free hand up to grip her face and pull her mouth to his. Elizabeth made no effort to fight him and threw her arms around his neck with reckless abandon. She thrust her tongue forward to meet his and felt something she could only liken to electricity jolt through her. Something in the kiss, something in his caress unleashed feelings she didn't know she even had within her.

He pushed her roughly up against the door, pinning her there with his bodyweight and they locked eyes again briefly before grabbing each other, kissing passionately. He pushed and she shoved back, both vying for the upper hand.

"Fight me!" He dared her, slamming her back against the door.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and shook her head at him. He was right; she had always been selective where her men were concerned. He was also right that she'd thought about _this_ many times before... wondered how it would be, how he would be. She slid her hands down from his neck, across his shoulders and slowly pulled his suspenders down over his arms. He smiled and watched her face as she watched her own movements before yanking at her blouse. He tore it out of her skirt and slid his hands beneath it, up over her bare back.

Elizabeth moaned against him and arched her head back. Robert moved his mouth to take advantage of her exposed flesh and placed kisses along the hollow of her neck, his mouth nuzzling inside of her blouse along her collarbone. At the same time he slid his hands back down to her waist and unzipped her skirt. Pushing his fingers into the top he slid it down her, following it as he sank to his knees. She stepped out of it and he kissed the inside of her thighs as his hands reached behind to cup her ass and he pulled down her briefs. Elizabeth's hands circled his head and pulled him closer to her as he kissed the place he never thought he would kiss in his wildest dreams. He slid his tongue inside and tasted her, savouring her scent. Elizabeth gasped throwing her head back, feeling herself overcome in delicious sensation; she moved her hips and guided his head, delirious, until she felt she would explode.

"Robert," she moaned loudly, and pulled him back up to her. He brought his mouth to hers and kissed her, smiling, as she tasted herself on him.

Elizabeth ran her hands down his body, until she found his bulging erection and rubbed her hand over it then pushed him backwards towards the bed. As the back of his knees made contact, they both fell onto it ripping at each other's clothing until they were both naked and wrapped around one another, kissing passionately.

Robert pulled his mouth away slightly to the side and nibbled at her ear. "Please tell me you're on the pill."

"Yes," she whispered, and found his mouth with hers again.

He rolled on top of her and moved her hands above her head, lacing their fingers together. Lowering himself, he kissed her neck and gasped as he slowly pushed himself into her, filling her completely just as he'd always suspected he would. Elizabeth let out a loud moan of pleasure as she felt her muscles grip him inside and felt him swell even larger.

"Oh, God." She moaned, as they locked into a rhythm and began to move against each other in blissful union. Elizabeth felt the shroud of numbness that had covered her for days lift, to be replaced with the beautiful, sensual feeling that consumed her.

Robert fell deeper into her with each thrust, until he lost himself inside her and knew nothing of anything until they came, one right after the other...

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

He stirred in his sleep, instantly aware of the strangeness of the bed and the sheets. His eyes snapped open and he remembered with a smile where he was, and with whom. Every time his chest rose he felt her hair tickle his chin, where her head lay on him. He also felt the arm she was lying on going dead, and attempted to pull it out from underneath without disturbing her.

"Mmmmm." She moaned, and he adjusted his body to press against her, whilst he traced a finger over the contours of her face, committing to memory every line, every bump, every feature, every imperfection that to him, was perfect. He traced the topography of this face that he loved with all his being and burned it into the grey matter of his mind, to be remembered for all his eternity.

His fingers left her face and trailed down to her neck, caressing the skin in gentle circles. Now to the shoulder, then the collar bone... index finger now tracing a line between her breasts, the flat of his hand, resting just below.

Cupping her left breast, he shifted his weight onto his elbow and sought her lips with his own, his tongue exploring the depths of her mouth. Elizabeth wakened and moaned against him, willing him on. He moved his hand again, down to her stomach, his nails lightly scraping horizontal lines between her navel and her waist making her gasp. Elizabeth brought her own hands up, one to his back the other to right shoulder pulling him down, opening her mouth to him. He kissed her deeply before withdrawing his tongue and whispered into her mouth, "I love you."

"I know." She moaned.

She felt his smile against hers.

"Such modesty." He chuckled.

In reply, she raised her hand from his shoulder to cup his cheek, and pressed her face an inch from his. Opening her eyes, she gazed at him.

"Look at me," she said. Robert met her eyes and gazed deep inside her.

"This can't happen again, Robert... ever."

He blinked his eyes in understanding and slowly moved his hand from her navel, tracing lower until he slid his middle finger inside her. She felt the telltale heat inside her at his ministrations and moaned, moving against him. He smiled as he felt her body responding to him, warm and wet despite her words.

"I know... but for one night, Elizabeth... you're mine."

Elizabeth heard his words as his fingers worked their magic inside her; she moved her hips against him and pulled him on top of her. "One night," she whispered, giving herself completely to him as she wrapped her legs once again around his back.

"Do you want me?"

"Yes!" she gasped.

"Do you want me to love you?"

She bit his lip passionately, impatient at his prevaricating.

He withdrew his fingers and laced them roughly through her hair, looking straight into her eyes, pressing his body against her.

"Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes."

He smiled and entered her, gasping at the warm sensation that engulfed him.

"God, you're wet."

She shut him up with her mouth, kissing him with a passion she never knew she was capable of. He moved inside her, painfully slow probing her very being. The pleasure, so drawn out became too much for her.

"Oh God... fuck me, Robert!"

"Now?" he laughed.

She nodded frantically, her fingernails scraping at his buttocks, down the back of his thighs.

He thrust into her harder, faster, and she responded by opening wider to him, her legs locking him into her.

"Don't stop," she rasped into his ear.

Their bodies worked in harmony, anticipating each other's movements in perfect concord. Robert's thrusts became more frantic as he felt himself edge closer, until finally his hips bucked against her and he called out her name in loud, ecstatic orgasm.

"Don't stop," she moaned, clinging to him, desperately close herself. Grabbing his ass, she pulled him deeply into her, and he recovered enough to push rhythmically into her again.

"God, you're beautiful."

Elizabeth felt drunk in her release; riding at the zenith of pleasure she screamed out her primal approval, the sound ripping from her lungs. And for a fleeting, wonderful moment all her worries evaporated. She felt immortal.

Robert collapsed onto her. His hands found hers, locking their fingers together as he slid out of her.

"Look at me, Elizabeth," he whispered.

She opened her eyes, revealing a glazed expression of contentment.

"Whatever happens from here on, know that I love you. That I always will... and I will be here for you whenever you need me."

"Robert, shh..."

"No, let me finish. Whatever you think of me, I don't care. I just need you to know that when it's all said and done, I will never forget tonight. Nor will I regret it.... I love you...."

"Robert... I don't know what to say." Tears glistened in her eyes. "I _can't_ feel the same way..."

"I don't expect you to," Robert said. "I just _need_ you to know."

"I know," she said holding his face and smiling, albeit sadly.

"I'll always be here for you," he assured her.

"I know."

"Good..." His eyes pierced her very soul. "Can I stay?"

"Robert..."

"Just for one night, Lizzie. Let me wake up with you just once."

She looked into those brown pools once again and felt the magnetic pull of him. She smiled, pulled his head down to hers and kissed him, feeling warm and safe at once. He broke away and buried his face in the crook of her neck, closed his eyes and inhaled their intermingled scent. He didn't let go of her for the rest of the night and Elizabeth never once stopped holding him.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Robert spent the whole of the day trying to drown out the memory of the previous night. He'd even gone so far as to change her schedule and send her down to cover the ER, so he wouldn't have to see her. He didn't think he could ever look on that face again and not get caught up in it... the softness of her skin, the feel of her lips... the flavour of her.

Surgery finished, he ripped off the gown and gloves and threw them into the waste container. Donning his scrub coat, he followed Shirley and the patient-laden gurney out of the OR.

"Get him into recovery... I'm just gonna grab some coffee," he said, and headed for the lounge.

Bursting through the door, he was surprised to see Elizabeth sitting in a chair, her back towards him.

"Ahhh.... hiding out are you? Do me a favour, just go down there when those idiots page you.... they're like crazed cyborgs, paging every five minutes until they somehow manage to find your fearless leader and suck us all into their universe." He heard himself droning on to cover his nerves at being alone with her. He finished making himself coffee and turned when he thought he heard her crying.

"Oh, what happened Prince Harry in rehab, again?"

She half laughed, half sobbed at that and he heard the strain in her voice. What had Greene managed to do now, he wondered to himself... or was it him? Maybe he'd been wrong to make her work the ER today. He'd just needed to get her away from himself after last night... and she needed that push. He waited for her to say something, unsure what he should do. Did she want him to comfort her, to hold her? It took all his power not to walk over to her and take her in his arms.

"Mark's tumour's back," she said.

Robert stood rooted to the spot, stunned, unsure what to say. The doctor within rescued him and he asked, "Has it invaded Broca's?"

"It's encroaching the motor cortex."

_Endgame then... there is no more that can be done_. Robert walked slowly towards her, never as unsure of himself as what he felt right now.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It was always a possibility."

"He's known about it for weeks... he just didn't tell me," she spat, the hurt in her voice obvious.

He placed his coffee down on the nearby table and sat down in a chair adjacent to her, putting the necessary distance between them.

"Well... maybe he was protecting you," he said softly.

Elizabeth gulped in some air.

"There's so much we haven't worked out. I don't think I can go through this again... I'm sick and tired of being the strong one... you know, we've broken up... we've grown apart. He doesn't even expect me to be there, anyway."

Robert raised an eyebrow at that before looking to the floor. When he felt Elizabeth's gaze on him he looked up and met her eyes.

"I mean, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to just go back home to watch him die?" she blurted, looking right at him, her eyes beseeching him to tell her what to do. What did she want him to say? Was she looking for a way out? Was this the part where he was supposed to say 'absolutely not are you supposed to go home and watch him die'? Was this his chance to comfort her and prove just how much he could love her? He felt the turmoil within him, as his torn heart battled against his mind to do what he knew was right.

She was upset and angry and confused and it broke his heart to see her this way. There was more to play for here than his own heart, which was breaking to see her in pain. He was not the answer to her problem... only one man could fix her heart at this moment in time.

"Yes." He heard his voice almost whisper.

Elizabeth turned her face away from his. It was not the answer she had wanted or expected to hear from him.

"Well, I don't think I can." she spat.

"Is he your husband?"

She looked back to him and almost scoffed her answer. "Yes." She stared into Roberts's eyes, and they both felt the chasm between them grow larger.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes," she sobbed.

There... that was it. There was no more to say. She was going back to him, as she should. He watched her weep her tears of frustration, but made no effort to comfort her. It was too late... there was no more to be done, except to accept what was.

Elizabeth sat crying, still looking at him. How could he do this, how could he just sit there and make no effort to at least hold her. Had last night truly meant nothing to him? She remembered his words. _I love you_... _I will always be there for you_'. Had they just been a line, the empty, hollow words of pillow talk? She looked deeply into the eyes that last night she'd dived into and immersed herself... and she saw her pain reflected there. Those eyes conveyed to her all the understanding in the world, communicated to her all the pain she felt and she saw his own pain, bore witness to his inner struggle and felt a piece of her own heart break away that would forever belong to him. She realised he was letting her go against his heart. He was sending her home to do the right thing... to be with the man she had vowed to love..._'til death do us part_.

Robert blinked and dipped his head slightly and Elizabeth nodded in acceptance, her course now clear.

She stood to leave but found her feet would not carry her past him and she lingered by his chair. She couldn't leave it, leave _him,_ like this. Was it possible to love two men at the same time? Her hand went to his shoulder and rested there, squeezing it gently trying to convey her thoughts through her touch.

"Robert?"

He knew what she was going to say; he felt it too. He wished she would just go before he crumbled and begged her to stay. He lifted his hand to hers and slowly pushed it off his shoulder.

"Don't Elizabeth.... Please," he whispered, staring at the floor, unable to look at her.

She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry."

Then she willed the necessary strength to her legs and walked to the door. She paused momentarily, looked over her shoulder at his dejected, slumped form and left. He didn't watch her leave but heard the door close and felt his pain intensify and his heart close with it.

FINIS


End file.
